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Jul. 29th, 2008 @ 07:06 pm
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I wish i was able to sit and write. I guess in theory i can do that. What i'm talking about is sitting down and writing like novels n shit. I have thoughts and stories inside me. I just never have the motivation to sit and put them down. I wonder if I'd even have an audience to my sordid theatre. Hmm.. Had to go beat one of the kids. |
It's a new time, new day, a whole new life really. I thought I would take a shot at this blogging thing once again. This time I'm writing not from a new place or vista, but from a whole new perspective in that I'm no longer just looking out for myself. I have a new little man in my life. Someone who not only is part of me, but someone who's going to be shaped even more by what I say then i could possibly imagine. He's quietly sitting in his swing enjoyin the world as it is. The ability to sleep his untroubled sleeps would be a gift that most anyone would give anything to have. I have missed sitting at this little portal to cyberspace and putting out there my unsolicated thoughts. Hopfully this can be the beginning of something that can at the least be thought of as not a complete waste of time. I really should start reading the headlines more.Current Mood:  happy |
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Apr. 27th, 2005 @ 02:31 am
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It's late at night again. I sit and i twiddle my thumbs. Not quite sure about what to do with my time, my hands, my life. Always in a state of constant confusion. Always in a state of constant questioning. I know the thoughts i have during the day then the shit i think about at night. The other night i wrote a whole dialouge.. which is a actually a monolouge. I thought it was very moving. The Duality of Youth. The struggle of responsibility and the questioning of preparation. A member of generation x.. the why me generation. We all sit and look down at our hands, our tools of craft. We have the knowledge to make good on our lives. Some cases we have the will. We just don't have the leadership. The path that lays before us is rapidly mutating beyond our control and understanding. We are the blind who grew to learn to see.. only we don't know what we are seeing and none of it makes sense. It's not a bleek future, just one too outlandish to really believe. I use to take apart GI Joes in the dirt.. *shakes head and walks away* |
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Apr. 21st, 2005 @ 06:13 pm
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i'ma see if i can start doing some crap with my lj at least once a day.. might not be great.. and i know i said i'll try and keep with it before.. but this time i think i almost mean it. |
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Apr. 19th, 2005 @ 11:08 pm
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It's during those brief daylight hours when the answers come to me. I shake my head. Say thank you and walk on. |
| » Life From The Bottle |
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In the coming nights and years there will be clouds and times of peircing clearity. I really don't know how to deal with these times or just what i might be able to do when these times come. I put my head down, hide my tears and soldier on. Even in the days of good and the nights of bad circumstances will unfold in manners of which i grow accustomed, but still sanctity aludes me. My mind is a shell and words flow forth like the passing of time, constance and without substance. My will is not my bond nor is my soul breadth of which i am to be measured. I awful fliting of the night of which i currently sit. I pour out my thoughts in this digital vaccum. I know they won't be be heard til sometime down the road. I don't sit and wait for an echo of them. These thoughts will come and pass like a lady of the night. Of which she left me with an empty feeling of contentment. I'll never know pure thought. Thought that never passed though anothers mind. It's all been corrupted and poured over a million times. Being filtered, enriched and pasturized for public comsuption. I'm often scared of the depths my mind can take me. I'm also disgusted by the shallowness of the surface i use to face the world. If i could leave only one gift for my people and for everyone one else. It would be to know thy self. But then again, why. Then we'd know the unescapability we'd each be faced with when looking at the dirty laundry of our mind. I guess the best gift would be shortsighted ness and rose coloured glasses.
Apr. 19th, 2005 @ 02:18 am
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Ok, I suppose it's possible. I'm wrong in everything I think and do. Every action i take is the complete opposite of what i should do. How am i suppose to know? I don't have a clue of where life is suppose to go. I haven't an idea of what life is suppose to amount to. I never heard of a standard to which we are all to live up to. But nevermind all that.. fuck you.. you're wrong... my life is right.
Jan. 24th, 2005 @ 03:16 am
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It's late and I'm writing. Not much to say or much to add. Just passing the time. Fingers walking ever so quietly over the keys. Perhaps i'll be struck with some wonderful sentiment to express. Maybe some great epiphany will come to me.. maybe not. Who knows. But i'll write anyways. Time ever so slowly passing by.
Jan. 10th, 2005 @ 01:53 am
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I say this with all seriousness. Coke is the greatest inventation.. nay, the greatest discovery that man has ever known. I celebrate it everday. With each taste it's like being born again. With the emptying of each bottle i weep. BUt there is no single greatest tragedy in this world then when a bottle of coke goes flat.
Jan. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:15 pm
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We all have pain in life. It's not a choice and it's hardly ever welcomed, but to think pain is always a bad thing is a waste. Pain let's us know that we're still alive. It let's us know that things can go up and times can be bettter. Pain is a reminder of the good things in life, not the bad. We grow stronger from it, we adapt, we go on, if not.. then pain will tear you down. Sometimes we are alone and think they world may have forgetton us, but we can't let our hope die. We have to believe that somewhere out there, one person. Just one person is hoping with each breath to hear from us.
Jan. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:14 pm
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It's easy to sit here and talk. To talk about any great number of things and make sense out of them. It's when i sit and talk about myself when i falter. Many of night will i sit in a dark room looking for clearification. For understanding of myself or some action i might have taken. Nothing ever really presents it's self and i sleep. I'll wake in the middle of the night to the sounds of the wind and an old bulidings pipes playing some chaotic melody. Do i rise to find answers, rarely, simply more questions. I've begun to accept the idea that I'll never understand myself. By that same token, if i can't understand myself and knowing what i know.. how can i began to understand another. And that's a beautiful situation. When you accept you're beyond comprehension.. and you accept it.. you're in a better position to accept others. We don't began to overlook others flaws.. we accept that we have flaws as much as the next person. We find a level of comfort and we go with it.
Jan. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:14 pm
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Well.. it's one of those times when things are in their place. I have no real thoughts or motivation. I'm content with being for now. Hmmm.. well at least tomorrow i won't be hungover.
Dec. 20th, 2004 @ 06:04 pm
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| » LONG TIME NO SEE |
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I've decided to get my lj going again. Seeing as how i'm on christmas holidays and don't have a damn thing to do, writing seemed like a good option. My goodest bestest budd pal, Jenny Benny ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) animikwaan insisted. It's been awhile since i'm really wrote anything of any kinda of substance so it may be while before i get into a flow. Well.. now that i'm back.. i'll prolly use this more.. hopefully..
Dec. 18th, 2004 @ 07:45 am
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I sit and I look out the window. At at the world and i wonder if i'll make it. if i have the stuff to succeed. I'll sit back and worry and wonder.... then it occurs to me.. i have no idea what those things are. Making and success. By who's count?
Aug. 6th, 2004 @ 01:24 am
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just to let everyone know i'm still alive.
Jul. 21st, 2004 @ 10:06 pm
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| » Keyboard Soapboxes |
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The internet is so amazing. The contradications that one can let fly is incredible.. it's quite hard to keep up with them.
Jul. 2nd, 2004 @ 01:08 am
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| » Canada Day |
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10 Reasons Why Canada is Better Than the U.S.
1. We knew flannel shirts were cool way before Seattle did.
2. Much Music is way cooler than MTV
3. Canadian beer is much better tasting than the watered-down stuff Americans call beer.
4. The U.S. has to import all its successful comedians from Canada including Jim Carey, Mike Myers and Tom Green.
5. Only in Canada can you rant and rave on public airwaves for a buck, thanks to Speaker's Corner.
6. You can drink legally while still a teen
7. Hockey Night in Canada
8. Canadians are welcomed and well-liked anywhere in the world
9. Basketball, hockey and lacrosse were invented by Canadians
10. Canadians aren't afraid of foreigners, homosexuality and most importantly, of each other
Jul. 1st, 2004 @ 04:41 pm
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| » it's funny... |
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i was looking at interests.. something like 99 users list oneida as an interest.. but from reading their journals and looking at their user info.. i got the distinct impression.. we were looking at oneida in different terms. Then i looked up haudenosaunee which had a few users list it as an interest as well.. i made a very similar discovery.
Jun. 29th, 2004 @ 04:38 am
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It's silly. Painfully so silly. You don't have the answers, cuz hello.. you never ask the right questions. But why should you. We are always taught that knowledge is power. Uncle Ben said it best.. Power corrupts and absolute power currupts absoultely. Thankfully no one has the knowledge for that power... cuz damnit.. we were never taught how to find the questions. We ask what time it is.. people tell us almost what time it is. It's just past quarter to 2. It's almost midnight. Why do you have a watch if your just going to make estimations at the time? People have drivin me crazy for years with answering shit i never asked. Did you get the mail? car broke down. Wha tha hell?.... you couldn't walk your lazy ass to the end of the road to get the mail.. car broke down so you couldn't get there?.. spent the morning fixing it. did you get it fixed? sammy picked up the mail it's on the table. we're backwards as hell. we complain that no one understands us and yet the first chance we get to not listen to each other we jump all over it. every conversation we have to read between the lines. It's not about communicating ideas.. it's about breaking codes. If you ever want to keep something private and secret.. write it out in plain grammatically correct english... people wont' understand it and think it's another language. say what mean and mean what you say people.. it's not that hard.
Jun. 29th, 2004 @ 02:51 am
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| » Bright Eyes |
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You asked me to look at you one last time. So, i did. I had no idea what it is that you wanted from me. I looked anyways and then i walked away. Never really sure of what i had seen or what it was that you wanted me to see. That coulda been the point. Everytime i looked i had no idea. Everything you had inside i never seen. I didn't know the dreams you had or the goals you wanted to acheive. I didn't know what it is you thought you had accomplished in life. I couldn't tell a soul of the thing you were most proud of. I walked away and i didn't know what it was that i had seen when i looked at you. I walked down the street looking at my feet shuffle along wondering where they were going. I try not to bother them too much cuz they usually knew my schedule and get me to the places i need to be on time. Today i was content to just let them be on their merry away. I was tryin to figure out why it was that my eyes failed me so greatly all this time. How could i have been so blind and stupid. I cried and cried for people to look at me and see me for all the things i was and aspired to be. Then i looked at you and only seen my shortcomings and faults, not what it was you wanted me to see.
Jun. 29th, 2004 @ 02:39 am
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